I Want To Be Like My Friends. . . Sometimes

Sometimes, it seems like I’m never going to be good at math. Knowing that my degree of being legally blind has made math my enemy. Growing up, I dreaded going to math class, because it seemed like my peers were understanding the concepts, while it was taking me a longer time to grasp the concepts that I was supposed to learn.
In high school, I had a great deal of difficulty getting my teachers to realize that I had a severe lack of vision. Many teachers and professionals who worked with me realized that there were certain accommodations that I needed in order to be successful- even when I further explained my reasoning for needing these accommodations. I wasn’t the only student at Curie High School, located in Chicago, who was legally Blind, but I felt like my disability was often being misunderstood.
As a result of being legally blind, math has always been difficult. It’s especially tough if there are a lot of visual components involved- such as charts and graphs- involved. Another result of being legally blind is that I can’t see what’s written on the overhead or blackboard, no matter how close I’m sitting.
I actually had to take math in summer school, and it was then that I met a teacher who was later going to try to make me feel bad. I actually passed the math course I had to take in summer school, but the upcoming school year was about to test my patience with that subject and math teachers.
I thought that things were going quite well the year I had to complete my math requirement and take Algebra/Trig. It wasn’t until the math teacher introduced himself to the class that I realized who he was- the same man who taught the course in summer school. In summer school, I had no trouble with this teacher. He seemed like a nice guy, and he helped me learn the concepts that I was having trouble grasping the previous school year. At first, I thought nothing of this coincidence, really- until he said his name. I don’t even remember his name these many years later.
That year, I knew that I was in for a challenge. Knowing that math was going to be harder for me, I tried two methods of getting help with it. The first thing I tried was getting help from my resource teachers. I’d go to their classroom to get help, and I’d explain what we’re studying in math. “We’ll try to help you,” they always told me. I found that wasn’t always the case. The teachers were often quite busy, so I didn’t get much help from them with Algebra/Trig.
I explained my situation to my mom, and she said that she’d try to help me. She, too, couldn’t really figure out that math. I was able to get tutoring help from my church Youth Group leader, which I found to be quite helpful. Math may have been difficult to understand from the way the teacher was explaining it, but I was getting a much better understanding of the topics that were being covered each day in class.
Although I was beginning to comprehend the math concepts with the help of the tutor, coming to math class was always my biggest hurtle. The tutor would explain the concepts slowly and in a way that I could grasp; however, the teacher would explain the same concepts in a way that got me confused.
When it came to testing, trying to remember what the tutor and I had gone over became quite difficult. I’d always go to the resource room to take the tests, which helped, but I don’t remember getting many good scores on tests. Still I tried to participate in class discussions. If a question was asked to fill in the missing part of an equation, I had no problem doing that in my head- as long as the teacher read the information that was written on the blackboard out loud for me.
I honestly felt that year of math had been a challenge I had greatly accepted, and I had finally overcome my fear and hate for math. My mom, too, thought that that was going to be the year I got a good grade in math. I had been receiving math tutoring, and I was spending a lot of time on math homework each night.
After trying my very best to be successful in math that year, I was confronted by my math teacher. “I’m not going to pass you,” he told me. I asked him why, and he said that he felt I wasn’t trying hard enough to grasp the material. I then explained to him that I was working with a math tutor outside of that class, but math is still a struggle for me because of my visual struggles.
What I’d like to know is why teachers don’t always understand the challenges that their special needs students have to go through in their daily lives. I would like educators to understand that students with special needs are trying really hard to grasp the material. It might take longer because of their learning style. In my case, I often feel as though I have a learning disability, because I can’t always understand a math concept right away. I still try to do my best, but I understand that math is something that I might not be good at. There are other things I’m good at, and I hope that people around me will realize that. My hope is that- some day- people will learn that we, as disabled individuals face many obstacles, and we shouldn’t be thought of as dumb or retarded, just because we might have certain academic difficulties.